From The Desk of Maverick Brenton.
Subject: Being A Broke Joker.
Hello my friendly friends.
Today’s subject of discussion is how to be broke for your entire life.
Pour yourself some coffee and buckle up!
If you find yourself suddenly disliking me after reading this, you’re probably who I am talking about.
My mission is not to tell you what you want to hear.
My mission is to tell you how it is.
The following are eight time tested principles for never having any money and always being broke.
If you follow even a few of these, you are almost certain to stay broke forever.
They work so well you don’t even need to do all of them, just pick a few and you are financially fucked.
How awesome does that sound?
If you do the opposite of these principles, you might find yourself getting wealthier and becoming a free man.
But who wants that?
Let’s learn how to be broke instead:
1) Be Emotional with Your Money!
This is a fantastic way to ensure you are always broke.
It’s one of the best strategies for never become financially free.
Being emotional with your money will guarantee that you make poor financial decisions and buy things you don’t need.
Being emotional with your money will put you in bad financial situations that could have been avoided if you just sat down and thought about it.
You will be impulsive and irrational!
These are essential qualities for staying broke.
Any money that comes in will cause a rush of excitement as you think about what you can buy next.
You will get addicted to the emotional rush that comes from spending money you know you should not spend.
Don’t become detached from your money because if you do that you will be able to make good decisions.
Make sure you don’t use logic and rational thinking to make good decisions.
Definitely don’t sit down to think about things before you do them – just do what your emotions are telling you to do.
Be like a little child on Christmas.
Think about nothing other than what you want from Santa.
If you want to stay broke forever, be emotional with your money because it works like a fucking charm.
2) Buy What You Don’t Need!
Go spend your hard-earned cash on everything you want because you deserve it!
Don’t use that money to make more money because that’s what smart people do.
Instead, buy that expensive pair of jeans, that new pair of shoes and that new phone.
You’ve already got fifteen pairs of jeans and ten pairs of shoes but you need that extra pair because your friend Steve bought them so you should too.
Fill up your home with bullshit.
Spend every penny you earn on more stuff to fill up your life.
Buy the latest iPhone every year because who want’s last year’s model?
This year’s model is half a millimeter thinner than last years model and surely you don’t want your friend’s having a better phone than you do right?
If you want something and you have absolutely no need for it, just buy it!
You will feel good for about five minutes until you forget about it and want something else.
Be like a little child shopping with his mummy and daddy.
Have no self-control and open your wallet to everyone who has something you want.
Spend all your cash on bullshit you don’t need and you will never have to worry about having any money, because you won’t.
3) Never Save Any Money!
If you want to stay broke forever then make sure you do not save any money because that is the worst thing you can do.
Saving money makes people wealthier and builds their freedom – this is not what you want.
You want to stay broke forever remember?
Instead of saving, you must do your best to spend everything you earn as fast as possible.
Live a lifestyle so expensive that by the time you have paid all your expenses, you simply have nothing left over to save anyway.
This is a great way to stay broke forever and never be able to save money.
To avoid the temptation of putting any money away, just make your lifestyle so expensive that it consumes all of your money.
You won’t even have to worry about how much to save because saving will be impossible.
Plus, with all the fun and bullshit in your expensive lifestyle, you will be too distracted to even think about saving money anyway.
Never save any money if you want to be broke forever because saving money creates wealth and stops you from being broke.
4) FOCUS on Working A Job to Get Wealthy!
Forget about the enormous opportunity to make money on the internet as an entrepreneur.
Forget about finding ways to invest your money and use it to make more money.
Don’t even think about starting a business that can make your current salary, every month.
That’s how people get rich and become free so you must avoid that at all costs.
Instead, you must focus on working hard at your job and getting that $3.50 per hour pay raise that you have been salivating over.
Why figure out how to make an extra $10,000 a week running a business when you can work hard and make an extra $3.50 per hour at your job?
That’s what wealthy people do, so don’t even think about that.
Just keep working your job and spending all the money you earn on the weekend.
You don’t have to worry about being disciplined and putting money aside because your boss can do that for you.
He will take care of the little child that you are and he will put money into your superannuation account for you.
You won’t have to take any responsibility at all.
That way when you are too old to work, at least you can actually have some money to go play bingo with.
How great is that?
You won’t feel bad for borrowing money off Norman who is dying because he is 99 fucking years old and thinks you’re his cousin.
Instead, you will have your own money to spend at Bingo.
FOCUSING on working a job to get wealthy INSTEAD of FOCUSING on investing money into cash producing assets, is a great way to stay broke forever.
All you have to do is show up to work every day and spend all your money on the weekends.
When it’s time to retire, you will have all this money sitting there for you to live off.
But this is only if nothing goes wrong and the people managing your money for you don’t fuck up and lose all of it.
That’s not your responsibility though, is it?
You have more important things to worry about, like what bar you are getting drunk at this Friday night.
5) Keep Up With The Jones’s!
Do not, at any cost, let other people have more material possessions than you do.
This is a race you cannot lose and you must keep up with everyone else at all costs.
Even if it means completely ruining your life and making yourself a slave – which is exactly what it means.
Your neighbour Troy just financed a new Lexus?
You better become even dumber than you already are and go finance a new Mercedes.
I bet you can’t wait to see the look on their face when you pull up in your brand new Mercedes that will only take you eight years to pay off.
They thought they had you with their Lexus, but you don’t let anyone outdo you when it comes to material possessions.
If you see someone who has more than you, just tell yourself they got lucky and become filled with envy like the retard you are.
You have to look as rich as possible so all the stupid motherfuckers you spend your time with, think you have money.
None of them, including yourself, actually have any money and you are all dead broke, but what’s the harm in pretending?
It’s better than facing the reality, right?
Do you really want to face the reality that you have no idea what money is?
Do you really want to admit to yourself that you need to go back to living a simple life in order to become free again?
No, you do not.
Especially when everyone already thinks you are successful.
It’s easier to just buy into this delusion and continue pretending to be rich.
Just keep pretending you have money and bury yourself in debt along the way!
Just keep holding up that curtain and hiding what’s really going on behind the scenes.
At least it will feel good when you get envious looks from your fake friends and dipshit colleagues.
You will feel successful.
If you want to stay broke forever, this is the best way to make that happen.
It is the most popular method according to the general public because they all seem to be doing it.
Make sure you do the same because this is a classic way to stay broke!
6) Never Study Money and Educate Yourself!
Reading books and learning how money works?
Pfff, why would you want to do that when you can just pretend you know everything?
Staying broke becomes very hard when you learn how money works and how you can make money.
If you read and educate yourself you will see countless ways to better yourself financially – so never read and educate yourself.
If you educate yourself, you will learn how to manage and save your money, which is exactly what you do not want!
Make sure you never pick up a book or seek out rich people to learn from because that is the worst thing you could do if you want to stay broke.
Instead you must remain an ignorant piece of shit that spends all your money on bullshit.
Don’t learn anything.
Learning is a powerful tool for transforming your entire world.
You don’t want this.
So, keep thinking you know everything because that will guarantee that you never get anywhere.
Forget about all the great money books you could read and don’t go near the mass of information available on the internet.
Turn on the idiot box and watch Netflix instead.
If you want to stay broke make sure you avoid educating yourself because doing that will make it almost impossible to stay broke.
7) Be a Victim!
Never take responsibility and always blame the world for your misfortune.
Tell yourself you are not in control of your life.
Tell yourself that there is some magical force stopping you from getting what you want out of life.
This is very effective and works like a charm.
Why shoulder the responsibility of being responsible for yourself, when you can just play the blame game?
Blame your parents.
Blame the government.
Blame the weather.
Blame your dog.
Blame your girlfriend.
Never look in the mirror at the source of all your problems because then you might actually make some progress.
Instead, be a victim and never take responsibility for anything.
Believe that life is too hard to take control of your destiny and do something meaningful.
Just be a nobody and be miserable instead.
Making money and building wealth takes discipline.
It takes responsibility.
These are the last things you want because that would mean ceasing to be a victim.
It would mean confronting the truth about yourself.
If you want to stay broke forever, just be a victim and always play the blame game.
Never take responsibility because taking responsibility actually improves your life and makes you feel better about yourself.
You don’t want that at all.
8) Borrow Money for All The Stuff You Want!
Of course, I had to save the best for last.
If you want to stay broke forever, then borrow money for stuff you want and do not need.
Finance that fancy car, put that big television and that expensive holiday on the credit card because you can just pay it all off later.
Don’t worry about the interest rate that will make you a slave.
Don’t worry about the fact that doing this will ruin your life and destroy your freedom.
These are the things you want right?
You don’t want freedom, happiness and wealth.
You want enslavement, misery and a fake life.
Going into debt for bullshit is the single most effective way to ensure that you never have any money. If you just adopt this one rule, you will always be broke.
If you want something now, you deserve to have it now and your credit card can make it happen!
Imagine how good it will feel to upload all those pictures from your expensive holiday onto Instagram?
You put it on the credit card and you can’t afford food this week, but all your friends on Instagram are going to be dropping envious comments!
Maybe the dopamine rush from all the likes you get will cause you to forget how hungry you are because you have no money for fucking food?
Imagine how good it will feel to drive past all those young, entitled kids, in your big flash car that you are deep in debt for?
Maybe they will be stupid enough to think you actually have money and they will watch in awe as you drive past thinking you are a fucking genius.
These people are my favourite types.
They call young people impatient and entitled but they are driving cars they cannot afford and living lives that are financed through a credit card.
If you want to secure your place in life as a moron and stay broke forever, borrow money for all the bullshit you want and live it up on the credit card!
It is the single most effective way to always be broke!
Until Next Time.